Well, it’s no secret: I was feeling a little blue yesterday. It happens. Fortunately, I usually bounce back with renewed resilience and this time was no exception. I was surprised, though, at how much quicker the bouncing occurred – but even more so with the why. It was all due to writing in my blog!!
The whole thing caught me off-guard because I’m typically pretty reserved about my private life. Seldom do I share so openly what is on my mind as a result of the emotions muddling my heart. But yesterday I just let go and wrote it down. I didn’t even obsess (as I usually do) about what I was writing. I failed to read it 20 times before I clicking that gloriously orange publish button. It all just transpired very much in stream of consciousness.
It’s as though someone has opened the flood gates and today, the catharsis has been on-going.
I guess yesterday opened my eyes to a lot of things. Number one: I’m pretty reserved and sometimes that hurts me more than I anticipate. Number two: sharing (even with just you, Internet) made it that much easier. And three: I put way too much pressure on myself about what I write in this blog. In other words, I worry that it will be misinterpreted, or that I’m coming off as lame, or that it’s not cool enough – wait that’s the same thing – or that it doesn’t make sense. I could go on because the what if’s are endless.
All of that lead me to this whopper:
For most of my life, I’ve felt like an oxymoron. How can an artist be so darn controlled and methodical most of the time? Doesn’t that make me not an artist? A certain someone once said that I wasn’t one and I never forgot the sting of those words. I suppose that it does help to remember that labels are nothing more than that. And upon further introspection, I resolve that the fact that I am such an oxymoron is just proof by contradiction that I am indeed an artist. By golly, I’m more than that!
I AM: the Self Controlled Artist.
And with that, I’ve once again given myself validation that this blogging thing does really work in more ways than one.
Pfft. Who needs therapy?
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